My mother, who may be seen as young by many, bravely faced the unexpected challenge of an aneurysm. One day, while taking my son to the pediatrician, I entrusted my daughter to the care of mother. When I returned home, firetrucks and police cars were outside; my heart skipped a beat. But my worry turned to relief as I spotted my daughter safe in the arms of a firefighter. That’s when I learned about my mother’s health scare – a suspected brain bleed or stroke. She fought through approximately 4 months in the hospital, where she showed remarkable progress after receiving a shunt and coil. After her hospital stay, the neurosurgeon urgently advised clipping the aneurysm to minimize risks. My sister stepped up as the primary caregiver for five intense months post-surgery. She then established a caregiving rotation of once a month, with expert advice against frequent changes for someone with cognitive impairment. I volunteered on continuous care for 3 months. My sister decided to change that into caring for my mother for 6 months since she had had her for 5 months. Now here I am with my mother, two toddler children, and my wonderful husband, hitting the road 5 days a week. Dealing with a parent with cognitive impairment is like having an extra toddler. Who has currently progressed into a preteen. My current challenge is managing her activities around the house and her denial games. Keeping my mother on schedule can be a bit of a rollercoaster, especially when she gets sidetracked by her cleaning obsession. But we always manage to get back on track, which is a huge win for those in need of memory care.
Working from home has made things easier, but heading into the office for a week can be a task. Leaving the house for extended periods is a whole production involving not one but two sitters. Thankfully, I had my incredible aunt (my father’s sister), who took care of my dad during his battle with dementia. Family support is truly a blessing! I know what you might be thinking – didn’t she mention having a sister before? Well, I do! However, her belief in my mother’s abilities differs from mine. She believes our mother is extremely independent and can handle being on her own for long periods of time. All my mother needs is a good TV show, and she’s hooked for hours. If there is a social event I need to attend, my sister’s advice is to bring her with me to help her get better. I do agree with this sentiment, but certain events are not seen as ideal; one example is my husband’s work Christmas party. The challenge with this is having to explain to each stranger that my mother has cognitive impairment so that when she asks the same question or doesn’t understand the context of the conversation, they have an understanding and are not judgmental. In my opinion, it’s essential to have someone by her side, especially since she has a 21 out of 30 on the dementia scale. Also, I need to have a break for my sanity, and that’s not because I’m caring for my mother; it’s my crumb snatchers.
A funny story that wasn’t at the time was during my in-office week, when my aunt and my mom were planning to leave. My mom decided to set the alarm but ended up forgetting the code once they got back home, which triggered the alarm. Can you imagine the chaos? I received calls from my aunt, ADT, and even my mom all at once. My aunt needed the code, my mom insisted someone changed it, and ADT dispatched an officer! Even though sometimes I feel like I’m herding cats. Through this journey, I have learned that patience and time management are key. Additionally, the support system you need may not be your family members. At times, I have experienced feelings of being overwhelmed, which is inevitable, as well as emotional outbursts stemming from frustration. In all the organized chaos, I find myself in the eye of the storm trying to find time for myself.
